Sunday, 11 November 2018

Can a lack of affection as a child effect your relationships as an adult?.

This is a question I've asked myself many times over the years. I never really got any affection as a child as my old mum was an alcoholic, in fact we argued more than anything.

I know my mum struggled with this because she was sexually abused by two of her uncles as a young lady. Mum went through her life skipping from one relationship to another, any time she got close to a man she would chuck up the barrier and push them away.

I remember all the fights, moving around from place to place and the fact that she was always sad.

My mum lost her mum when she was only 13 yrs of age and that alone must of destroyed her, then to go on and be abused both sexually and mentally. . . it leaves me speechless!!!.

Socially mum was great fun and  very popular, even more so when she was drunk.
Behind closed doors and sober we got to see the real woman, sad and very lonely. You could see the pain and heartbreak in her face.
I know the old saying " the answer isn't at the bottom of the bottle" but for my mum it was, it was an escape from her memories and the pain.

In my mums case I think the loss of her mum and sheer lack of love and affection from other members of her family really did affect her relationships both romantically and socially.

Sadly I grew up and wanted that affection but couldn't get it... I used to flutter from one girlfriend to another always thinking I needed more. I was living the same cycle as my mum did and didn't even know it at the time.

If and when I did get shown a little love it would throw me, I didn't know what to do with it,

I am settled down now and have my own family.

As an adult I still struggle letting people in and am also very quick put my guard up, it can be a nightmare at times because I want to socialise and go out more in groups but I just cant!.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing such a moving experience. Hold on to mome.moments of joy when they come around.