Most of the time I don't even know I'm going to do it!!!
This might sound crazy to some people and it normally shocks me afterwards but I would like to tell you and get it out there.
I have been cutting myself on and off since I was in my late teens and it kind of felt normal as I grew up seeing my mum do it. These bouts of cutting were never really too bad ... until I hit my twenties then I took it a step further.
After a night out with my closest friends I headed home and all of a sudden I had this crazy urge to hurt myself, I started to punch myself in the face ... I was hitting myself so hard I was seeing stars.
I walked home and screamed at my mum and little sister to leave me alone otherwise I would stab them. I was filled with this uncontrollable anger and I didn't know why, there was no warning signs or any problems earlier that evening.
I took all my mums medication in to my room and necked a massive cocktail of pills and washed it all down with a beer.
The doctors thought I have been attacked and were so shocked when I told them that I had battered myself.
One thing I really struggle with is the hate I have for myself, I hate the things I have done in the past, the people I have hurt and the people I have let down.
Could this be the reason why I hurt myself... is it to punish myself?.