I thought I actually might of had a chance at life when I joined the Army at 16 yrs of age. Getting away from the madness of my early years with my mum and the hell we went through . . . No chance!!
All I ever wanted was to be a Soldier, I joined the Infantry and passed my training first time. It was the proudest day of my life!!.
After a short spell in Germany with my battalion we flew out to Bosnia, that was an experience to say the least but the Operational Tour went surprisingly quick and I was home on leave before I knew it.
This is where things went wrong.
I got in to a fight with a civvi and was arrested and charged. To cut a long story short I was flying from Germany to London to attend court. I was given a custodial sentence and discharged from the Army.
I was devastated and things only got worse from there. Mentally I was all over the place, constantly out drinking and taking coke with the lads, fighting every other night. I had no control... I was reckless to say the least.
This only lead to a few more prison sentences, I couldn't see a way out of this cycle. I was told that if I didn't get my self sorted I'd end up dead or in side for a very long time.
I had two beautiful little boys at home and I should of been there for them more. . . I was just a lost soul on a vicious cycle of self destruction.
No body wanted to help me when I was in the probation service either, I asked on numerous occasions for " anger management " but was dismissed. I think they see me as just another re-offender.
It breaks my heart looking back at the young man I was, disciplined and well trained. I had this hunger in me to prove to everybody and myself that I was destined to be more than the local piss heads son.