It took so much will power to get out and head to the gym tonight, fighting my anxiety the whole way there.
No matter how hard it is I will finish this challenge and I know deep down it will get easier with time.
The thing I hate the most about the gym is the mirrors, they are " EVERYWHERE " in my gym, you just can't hide from them no matter how hard you try . . . and trust me I tried.
I actually couldn't stand looking at myself, it knocked my confidence and I wanted to leave. Reaching up to get the lat pull down bar and seeing my little chubby belly creeping out from under my t-shirt, that combined with the unfamiliar bloke I was seeing in the mirror got me feeling pretty sad.
Even when I have a slow run or walk up my stairs to my home I'm getting out of breath and feel like I'm going to die.
It upsets me because I was such a fit lad when I was in the Army and I loved fitness and the thought that I have let myself go so much is soul destroying.
The thing is that I'm not that heavy, I'm 15st and I'm 5'9" so only really around three stone over weight.
" WOW " now that does seem a lot lol.