I can remember laying on my bed after taking my first overdose thinking " this is really it, I'm dying."
I felt at peace and was relieved to be going.
I woke up in intensive care... I was so fucking angry that I was still alive.
Then the guilt and shame hit me like a ton of bricks... I would now have to face my family and friends.
Everyone I know was so shocked at what I had done because on a normal day I'm the cocky out going lad that wants to make everyone happy and laugh. Inside though I was fighting a massive battle with myself.
I didn't want or have anyone to talk to about my problems or feelings.
I was a tough young man having been in the Army and also in prison, I thought I had to live up to what my mates thought I was... talking about my pain would be seen as weakness... how wrong was I.
I still couldn't cope and later on I tried to take my own life two more times. It was at this point I spent four months on a mental health ward and people actually started to listen to me.
If I had received some help at the start of all this, I could have saved a lot of people from the pain I put them through.
I'm one lucky fucker and know I want to help as many people as I can to try and prevent others going through the same pain I did.
" It's ok to not be ok " please reach out!!.